it seems that, of late, i have been doing most of my writing in the dead of the night.

it’s already the first of november. 1/11/11.

i’ve always thought of myself as a traveller – not so much in the usual sense of the word, but more towards the i’m-only-visiting-earth, earth-is-not-my-home-planet sense. and i’m the sort of person who does not plan a detailed itinerary when i go on trips, so naturally it would follow that i’m a very bad planner when it comes to my life in general.

see, i get through life by following my heart, doing things that i want to do and avoidng the things that i don’t. and that’s all fine and dandy, when my heart wants to do something. but more often than not, it’s in a state of zen stillness.

like now.

and i end up feeling extremely lost. it’s like, i’ve suddenly decided to take a trip somewhere, only to get to my destination and realise that there’s not much to do or see, and i’m standing in the middle of this vast nowhere, finding myself in this bizzare situation of being exactly where i wanted to be, only that it’s not quite what i expected, and having absolutely no idea in the world what i am supposed to do or where i should go from this point on.

my modus operandi has been to follow the signs, the wind, the stars, the fireflies – hell, in this situation i’ll even follow a spider – anything, just so that i can get somewhere else and maybe hopefully in the process, i’ll get to figure out the reason my heart so wanted to get here in the first place.

and so far, so good. this way of living has enriched my life in so many ways and i’ve had my fair share of pleasant surprises (i’m always telling the universe to “surprise me!!”) but for the past year, my heart has been mostly a zen garden. it started beating passionately when it was basking in the northern lights, but it’s now back to zen-mode.

there must be something more to this. but what?

why on earth did i come to earth for? why did i choose to take this trip? what does my heart know that i don’t?

let me expand that question further – why earth, of all the planets in the universe?