lying in bed and typing this on my ipad… for some reason so many thoughts are running through my head, hijacking my journey to dreamland.
perhaps i’ve been reading so many tributes to my ex-boss (though i never met him in person) and his quoteworthy words of wisdom, that this question popped into my head: to date, what have i done that i am extremely proud of?
my life is in a limbo now, which is fertile ground to these seeds of self-doubt.
so i had a good think, and surprisingly, even to me, my answer does not include achieving a working proficiency in the korean language.
in no special order, this is what i came up with:
- swimming with wild dolphins (in nz, thanks to dolphin lover brett)
- working at the grand canyon, an extremely beautiful work of nature that is several million years in the making, that never fails to remind you of how small your problems are every time you look at it
- having the guts go on that 40-hour journey to fairbanks just to see some lights in the sky (though my dad would beg to differ – he thinks i was being silly)
- lived in 3 different countries, not counting my birth country
- jumping off a plane, bridge and running off a cliff
i will never forget the day i got to swim with wild dolphins (not in a theme park-setting, and it wasn’t even planned! we were out at sea, saw dolphins, brett the dolphin-expert concluded from their body language that it was ok for us to enter the water, so we did, and the dolphins swam closer after a while).
i am glad that i got a chance to work at the grand canyon, and wake up to deer hanging out outside our dorm.
i am proud that if i want to do something, i do it. if not now, then at least some day – and when i say ‘some day’, i don’t mean ‘some day’ in a “yeah… maybe some day, like 10 years later, when i get to it… IF i get to it… which is likely to be never. i am just saying i want to do it because i would sound so cool saying that” way. i mean ‘some day’ in a “as soon as the right time and right opportunity comes up, i am going to grab the chance and DO IT” way.
the thing is, i am an extremely stubborn person. if i want to do something, i HAVE to do it, or i wouldn’t stop nagging myself about it (my heart, to be more exact). likewise, if i don’t want to do someting, you’ll have to kill me before i’ll do it.
i guess i just like living life on my own terms, and not anyone else’s. to hell with society and convention. maybe that’s why it seems that whatever steve jobs was saying, it was meant for my ears.
so when i realised that i would be somewhere up north in september, i abandoned all thoughts of wwoofing there and decided to shut my nagging heart up by making that ambitious 40-hour trip to fairbanks (didn’t work, unfortunately. it now wants MOARRRRR. sigh).
and in light of all this, two people made everything possible.
because they didn’t insist that i follow the singapore way, find a stable job, meet a good man, settle down and have kids.
they were ok with me breathing in the air of spring summer autumn and winter for three years instead of tapping away mindlessly at the computer in singaporean air-con air. even though i know that they would have preferred me to (because which parent doesn’t wish for their child to lead a stable life?).
but despite that, they gave me full control of my life. i pretty much live my life exactly the way i want to, as much as is possible.
and for that, i am really grateful, even though sometimes i think i am really unfilial because i can’t be the person they want me to be. so i try to make it up in other ways, like spending more time with them.
well!
my life now in comparison seems so dull. hurhur. need more eggcitements please.